Reforming Trauma Coaching: The narcissist and the butterfly.

07 Sep

Jason Brien.

     What does a narcissist and a butterfly have in common? Mimicry. In some of my previous articles I have stated that the narcissist is a psychopath wanna be. In reality, the narcissist is delicate and fragile much like a butterfly. In order for a narcissist to protect themselves from harm, they mimic a more dangerous or imposing animal just like a butterfly does. While a butterfly displays giant 'eyes' on their wings to communicate to potential predators that they are dangerous and should should not be messed with, so too does the narcissist adopt a giant ego and the facade of experiencing no empathy and emotions just like their more dangerous counterparts - the psychopath. 

     Think of it this way. Let's assume that a child who does not have a genetic or neurological predisposition towards psychopathy (i.e., a 'healthy' child) is born and raised by psychopathic parents/guardians/family. How can the healthy child possibly survive being raised by psychopathic parents or within a psychopathic family? Just like the old saying goes, if you can't beat them join them. Let's assume that this healthy child is quite, considerate and softly spoken. Do you really think that asking a psychopath, who has no regards for personal boundaries or rules, to stop teasing you is really going to be able convince the psychopath to stop? Of course not. It just won't happen. So, the healthy child begins to learn from the psychopath. The once healthy child begins to mimic the psychopaths around them in order to achieve their goals. If soft words won't stop someone teasing them then perhaps yelling and punching will. If caring about someone's feelings doesn't get you what you want, then not caring will. 

     Think of this hypothetical scenario. In school/childhood fights, an audience of peers usually gathers in a circle around the two opponents and act as fight promoters and referees. For arguments sake, lets assume that two healthy children are facing off against one another and the audience is composed of 9 psychopaths (yes I know psychopathy cannot be diagnosed in children hence the hypothetical disclaimer) and 1 healthy person (10 children in total). Now the healthy children are out of their element. Fighting does not come naturally. So the healthy children begs both his opposition and his audience not to fight. If either healthy child tries to leave, 9 out of the 10 psychopaths will push him back in. The fight will provide way too much sadistic pleasure for the psychopaths to allow this little wimp try and leave without drawing some blood. If the children are lucky, they may be able to convince the one healthy audience member to create a gap that they can quickly escape through. If not then the healthy children can only leave the circle in one of two ways. They get beaten to a bloody pulp and the psychopaths disperse once their blood lust has been satiated. Or, they can go bat shit crazy. They pummel their opponent and bite and scratch and do whatever is necessary to inflict horror and pain on the opposition. After this horrifyingly violent attack, how many psychopaths do you think will try and prevent the once healthy and non-violent child from leaving the circle? Probably none. After the fight, there will not be very many children wanting to challenge the healthy child to a fight. The healthy child has just manifested (somewhat instinctively) an effective survival strategy that works against everyone even psychopaths. From here forth, the healthy child creates a false self. A false self which knows that if you act like you are dangerous then people will leave you alone. Knows that if you act like you don't care about hurting people then people will leave you alone. They become narcissistic and the narcissistic rage when displayed is the healthy child going bat shit crazy just so that they can escape the psychopathic circle where they are feeling weak, inferior, helpless and scared.

     How about a psychopath though? Can a psychopath use mimicry in order to deceive the masses? Absolutely. Animals which are dangerous or poisonous mimic the colours, patterns etc of non-dangerous/poisonous species in order to fool prey. This is known as mertensian mimicry. This form of mimicry is often used by snakes to fool their prey into believing they are not a threat when in actuality they are. The successful psychopath and some serial killers are the same. They mimic ordinary 'healthy' people so that society does not discover their true self. They get married. They work ordinary jobs. They are active in their communities and attend church regularly. They learn to mimic emotions which they themselves do not feel. They appear inconspicuous to the naive observer. Then one day BAM. They have been arrested for killing 30 people (John Wayne Gacy) or for billion dollar stock fraud and embezzlement (Bernie Madoff).

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